definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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