he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
