32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
