wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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