Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
