Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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