i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
