I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
