I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
