You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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