you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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