I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
