Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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