Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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