Swine flu. Run for my life!
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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