I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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