WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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