not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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