He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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