I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
