That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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