i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
