Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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