Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
it hurts more in the daytime
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
