Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
