i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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