OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
