***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
