But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
