Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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