Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
