bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
