Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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