I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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