Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
