I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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