Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
