Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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