I wanna passion pit in your ass
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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