Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
