apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
