ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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