alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
