I just threw up on my dentist
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
birth control should be required to get into college
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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