peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
