Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
