you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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