Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
