I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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