Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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