naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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