The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
