Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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