I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Hippo gnu deer
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
