Yo dont text me then not text me
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
