If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
