physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
