I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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